BarkingProse

Mom says me and Tess are like some old married couple. We get along great most of the time. Once in a while we have a little spat.

Tess does a lot more talking than me when we’re playing. She likes to talk trash. Tess sounds like she’s gonna kill me, but it’s just her way of having fun.

You know what’s funny? When she tried to kill my little brother Zag, she didn’t make a sound.

I’m an athlete, she’s a couch potato. For a border collie she isn’t very well coordinated. If I give her a good body slam she falls right over. That’s usually when the trash talk starts.

Tess didn’t now how to play with toys when she came to Asherpark. She still looks kinda silly when she plays. Mostly she teases me with the toy until I take it, then she pounces on me.

It’s funny to play tug with her. She holds on real tight and I drag her around the room. Even though we both weigh fifty pounds I’m a lot stronger than her. I try not to hurt her but sometimes mom calls time out when I get too rough.

Jack stays out of the way when Tess and me are playing. Good thing he’s deaf so he doesn’t have to listen to us. One time I ran head first into Jack while I was chasing Tess. Oh boy. Jack didn’t like that one bit. He didn’t say nothing but he sure shot me the stink eye.

Tess knows to keep her distance when our friends the Labradors come to visit. The big Labrador Libby outweighs me by thirty pounds. It’s a fight for survival when me and Libby get going.

Mom says we’re gonna watch the Superbowl today. That means lots of ball time for me. She always tosses me the ball while she’s watching TV. Just to make sure she’s paying attention, I roll the ball under the couch so she has to crawl around and get it for me.

I can’t wait for game time. Jack will curl up for a nice nap. Tess will stake out her spot on the couch. I’ll line up my favorite balls. Let the games begin!

It started out okay. Mom asked me to climb up on a small table in the garage. I figured she was going to brush my fur and cut out the hairballs.

There were all the normal tools: brushes, combs, scissors and clippers. Ash and Jack were looking pretty nervous but I wasn’t worried. Not then.

Mom began mumbling about my hair balls. My fur is fine as cat hair. The minute it gets wet it clumps into a horrible tangle. When I came from the shelter my skirts had been shaved to the skin.

Mom has cut dozens of hairballs off me. This time she decided to do something drastic. She gave me a full body haircut!

The haircut didn’t hurt or nothing but it tickled and made me nervous. It didn’t help that the boys kept staring at me and whispering back and forth. As mom cut more and more fur off me the dishpan filled up with red and white locks.

Finally mom said she’d done enough damage for one day and let me off the table.

Ash told me not to look in the mirror. Jack pretended he didn’t notice anything different.

I felt a whole lot lighter and there weren’t any hairballs tugging at my skin. When I saw myself in the big hall mirror I wasn’t sure it was me. My dark red hair was gone replaced with strawberry blond fluff.

Once the boys quit laughing at me I think I’ll like my new haircut. Besides, I know Ash is sweet on me with or without fur. That’s what matters.

Stay tuned. Jack gets his spring bath next week and he’ll be spending some time on the table. We’ll see how he likes it! Respectfully, Tess.

If you look real close you can see a little pink lump just under the left side of my nose. Mom has been watching this lump real close and decided that it had to come off.

Mind you I could care less about a silly little lump. But many years ago mom found lumps on Codie and they turned out to be mast cell tumors. Now she won’t take any chances.

I knew this lump was no big deal, but there was no talking mom out of her decision to have Dr. Brad remove it.

So off we went to the vet. We had to take Jack with us because the big crybaby can’t be left alone. As soon as I got to the vet I remembered what they did to me the last time. They always stick something up channel nine, but last time they drugged me and pulled a seed out of my ear canal. That was no fun!

Dr. Brad thought he could zap the lump with electricity. But whenever I heard the buzz sound I jerked around. Dr. Brad decided he would grab the lump and clip it off. I sat real still for that after he told me it wouldn’t hurt. Dr. Brad said the kind of lump I had doesn’t have nerve cells and I wouldn’t even notice anything. He was right.

Before I knew what happened he clipped that little pink lump right off my muzzle. He quick put some stuff on the spot so I wouldn’t bleed. In no time I was back with mom in the waiting room. I was soooo happy to see her I jumped right into her lap.

I said a quick good bye to Dr. Brad and hopped in the car with Jack while mom paid the bill. I fell asleep on the drive home. Soon as we got out of the car mom gave me a frozen turkey neck to help me feel better.

I hardly noticed I had major surgery. The lump was nothing to worry about and I’m gonna be just fine. Life is very very good. Thanks Dr. Brad!