Nellie

Lost In Place

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Nellie

I always thought I was of average intelligence for an Australian Shepherd. I was smart enough to stay alive for many years. But now I’m not so sure.

When I went to see the eye doctor she told mom I have some cognitive dysfunction. Well who wouldn’t? I’m totally deaf and really can’t see much at all. My head sits crooked with my good eye pointed down at the ground. You try walking around like that and see how good your cogs function.

Mom noticed I get confused by reflections. I try to walk into the mirror and through the glass door. Maybe we didn’t have mirrors where I used to live.

Yesterday I got to feeling really down. If mom turns right and I look left, I lose sight of her. I usually walk in the wrong direction and she has to chase me down. When she taps me on my butt I still can’t find her. She’s started carrying a feather duster so she can reach me quicker. It tickles, but I don’t mind.

At night I walk around in circles. Each time I spot mom on the couch I wag my butt and smile at her. She signals for me to come see her, so I walk right up to her for some special pets.

Pretty soon I start my circles again. When I come back to mom it’s like I’m seeing her for the first time. Maybe having a good memory isn’t always that important. Maybe all you have to remember in this world is who loves you.

I may not know how to navigate through the mirror but I know how to find love. You start by letting people touch your heart. Then when you get lost they come find you. It’s kinda like you’re lost in the right place. I know I’m lost right where I want to be.

Jack

Bathroom Habits

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Jack

I can’t explain it. I’m so embarrassed. Sometimes I just feel the need to leave my mark in the house.

When I first arrived at Asherpark I marked dozens of times. Every corner of the couch, bed, and table. Along the walls in the hallway. The little table in the living room. The duvet cover. The toilet. The washing machine, refrigerator, even the kitchen shelves.

Mom was beside herself with frustration. Ash was fascinated. It had never occurred to Ash to pee in the house. Soon we were like two guys at a urinal, pissing and joking.

I knew it was forbidden to mark in the house, so I never let mom see me. Poor Ash wasn’t as careful and one day mom caught him in the act. Oh boy, did he ever get a talking to. That was the last time Ash ever left his mark in the house.

I’d like to say that I stopped my stealth marking but that would be a lie. Mom says I’ve reduced my bad behavior by 95%, but a couple of times a week she finds the tell tale sign. At least I limit my marks to the corners of the couch. Mom says it’s easy to clean up and she is sure to see it.

I hid my head in shame a couple of weeks ago when mom brought out the upholstery cleaner. Even I could see the water was bright yellow from where she cleaned the corners of the couch. Everyone could smell the urine. I just closed my eyes and pretended I didn’t notice.

Ash didn’t mean me any harm, but he kept pointing out how funny the couch smelled when mom started cleaning. Even little Nellie knew something was up. She couldn’t hear the cleaning machine but she sure could smell the piss water. She’s so naive. She asked mom where the stink came from. She’s too blind and slow to ever notice me marking.

Tess said maybe I need to go to some kind of pee therapy. Ash thought that might help and volunteered to go with me. I know it won’t help. You gotta want to change your ways and I’m not there yet. Maybe it’s that little nagging anxiety, wondering if I really will get to live out my life at Asherpark. Or maybe I grew up in some kinda low class home where pissing on the furniture was okay. I don’t know.

I feel bad for the extra work I cause mom, but not bad enough to stop marking. Dad says it’s my only flaw. Mom says I’m a scoundrel, but then she rubs my big head and tells me she loves me. Ash says we all have flaws –  mine just happens to be poor bathroom habits. And so it is.

 

 

 

Nellie

Worries

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Nellie

I didn’t know how hard it would hit me when mom left on her trip. We all knew mom had to go away for a week. Dad and my brother Dan were here with us almost the whole time. We were hardly ever alone.

But everything was different. Ash lost his swagger, Jack clung to Dan like a ship wrecked sailor clings to a life raft. I wandered in circles and spent a lot of time in my secret places.

Tess was the only one who didn’t much care that mom was gone. It meant more space for her on the couch.

Ash kept telling me not to worry. He said mom always comes home and then the fun begins. But I was so scared that mom wouldn’t come home. Maybe dad and Dan would think I was too much trouble. Maybe they would send me back to the shelter. Maybe it was the end of my dream life at Asherpark.

But yesterday Ash heard the sound of the car on the driveway. Mom burst through the door and everybody went nuts. Ash was barking his head off and grabbing stuff from the table. Jack was grinning like a fool. Naturally Tess had to be the center of attention and knocked me over trying to get to mom.

Mom tossed Ash the ball with one hand while she tried to pet the rest of us. I’m little and unsteady on my feet, but when mom knelt down to see me I pushed the bigger dogs out of the way. My one good eye got all teary and I couldn’t stop bouncing up and down.

After an hour things calmed down but I refused to leave mom. I followed her everywhere. I had so much energy I pulled the blanket off the couch and tossed Asher’s pet fox in the air.

Mom asked me to please lie down and rest, but I just couldn’t. I’ve got plenty of time to rest when I’m gone from this world. I wasn’t about to rest when I could be right next to mom.

Finally mom took us to the studio and sat down in a chair. She figured it was the only way that I would lie down. I guess she was right. I remember putting my head on my old crippled paws and within a minute I was asleep.

My dreams were troubled. I remembered the time of darkness when nobody cared what happened to me. I remembered being hungry and scared and hurt. I saw flashes of when I got hit by a car or somebody hit me. It wasn’t clear and all I could feel was the pain. I must have cried out in my sleep.

I awoke to mom softly rubbing my head. She whispered that I was safe and not to worry. She told me she wasn’t going away again for a long time. Then she slipped the most delicious dog cookie in my mouth. I nearly ate her finger by mistake, but she just laughed and told me it was time for dinner.

As I stumbled to the house for dinner, Ash gave me a gentle shoulder bump. “I told you she would come back,” he said. And Ash was right.