Tess

My Final Day

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Tess

Tess

The two days since my diagnosis flew by. My people never left my side and let me eat all manner of treats. For some reason my appetite did not fail me, so the treats were a welcome distraction.

People came to say goodbye. My special friend Carol came with a sack of burgers from McDonalds. I was so happy to see her and I was especially happy to eat the burgers.

Another friend brought her camera and took pictures of me. I felt like a princess being stalked by the paparazzi.

In the afternoon of the day I would die, I took what has become a ritual walk into the pasture to wander amongst the alpacas and the hens. It seemed strangely comforting to know the farm animals were unaware it was my last day.

Leaving the animals behind, I walked around the back yard, rolled in the grass and then returned to my favorite place in the studio, where I spent countless hours with Ash and my people.

Soon the phone rang. The vet was on her way and my time left on earth could be measured in minutes. My people tried to be strong for me. They told me how much they loved me and what a wonderful dog I was. Their tears splashed on my nose and they used my fur to dry their eyes.

Ash looked at me and I could tell his little boy heart was going to explode. That was the hardest part, saying goodbye to my best friend.

Mom asked if I wanted to have one last treat with Ash. Of course I did, so we raced into the our crates like we had hundreds of times before.

Tess and Ash

Tess and Ash

And then it was time. The vet arrived as expected. Mom put Ash in his crate with a bone so I would know he was close by.

My people told me over and over how much they loved me. They kissed me goodbye and wished me godspeed on my journey. As I crossed the bridge I knew in my heart that everything happens for a reason. I am where I should be and I am whole again.

 

 

Tess

In My Own Words

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Tess

Tess

By the time you read this I will be dead. I have only two days of life in my physical form remaining and much to do before I go.

I always knew this day would come. I knew that at a moment when I felt most alive I would be summoned, called to cross the rainbow bridge.

I was not surprised when the emergency vet reported that I had a very large tumor in my abdomen and that not even surgery would save me.

My people wept at the news but I simply took a few deep breaths and thought about what I would be leaving behind.

My first thought was for Asher. That silly dog loves me with all his heart. My death will break his heart. A single tear will fall from each of his beautiful blue eyes and he will blubber like a little boy. He still blubbers when he remembers his beloved aunt Codie.

My people will blame themselves for not discovering the tumor sooner. But what else could they have done? I saw the vet so many times and in the end the tumor took hold and bolted before anyone knew it was there.

That’s why I know there is a reason I have been summoned. The decision was made somewhere in the great beyond, my DNA was scrambled, the tumor grew very large and here I am with only hours to live.

I had a happy life at Asherpark – nearly six good years. And now it’s over, not quite in the blink of an eye but so much sooner than I hoped. It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just wish I could have lived a little longer.

It will be hard on my people. You should see how sad they are to lose an old worn out mutt like Mama. I’m still young and in the prime of my life. I know they will miss me for a long time.

I have another day before the vet comes to send me on my way. I’m grateful that I will die at home with Ash close by and my people holding me as I take my last breath. I will write more when I am able. Until then I’m living like there’s no tomorrow.

Ash and Tess

Ash and Tess

 

 

Asher

Troubling Thoughts

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Asher ReflectingIt’s been almost two months since Mama left us. I miss her wild and quiet ways. She moved like a coyote and always had a far away look in her eyes.

The day after Mama died we learned that Shiloh has a cancer that will take her life. How can that be? It’s like all these bad things piled up on little Shi and she can’t ever get a break.

Me and mom watch Shiloh running around in the yard. We know it hurts her to run because she’s so crippled in her back end. Her knee joints don’t bend and her rear feet point out like on a duck. She does her best to keep up with me but she’s like a caboose that got left behind the train.

When I think of all the bad stuff that happened to Shiloh I get really sad. She was born crippled and being locked in a crate for a long time made it much worse. The person who adopted her and Mama from a shelter died leaving her with nobody to care for her. She nearly starved to death and was rescued just in time to save her life.

Shiloh and Mama caught a break when the nice people in California took them in and then brought them to Asherpark. But after a year and a half Mama died and Shiloh learned she has cancer.

One evening I was feeling kinda sad about how life turned out for Shiloh. She must have known I was thinking about her because she came over and sat down beside me.

“What’s wrong, Ash?” she asked.

“I dunno Shi. I feel sad when I think about all the bad stuff that’s happened to you. You’re the nicest little mutt and you don’t deserve all this bad luck,” I said.

“Maybe you’re looking at things the wrong way, Ash.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“If you turn things around you see things differently,” Shi explained. “I could have died when Mama and I were strays at the shelter, but somebody adopted us.”

“Yeah, but then that person died and you were locked in a crate and almost starved,” I blurted out.

“That’s true,” Shiloh said, “but I didn’t starve. The sheriff took me and Mama away from the bad man and the rescue group came and took us to a safe house where we could start to heal.”

I was listening real close and trying to follow her logic.

“Keep talking, Shi,” I said.

“Ash, for every bad thing that has happened to me there have been twice as many good things,” Shi said.

I couldn’t hold it in any longer. It was breaking my heart and I just had to say it out loud.

“But you’re gonna die soon, Shiloh. It’s so wrong and it makes me crazy!” I practically shouted.

Shiloh was quiet for a few moments. I was afraid I’d been too honest and regretted what I had said. Then she looked me straight in the eye and smiled.

“We’re all going to die, Ash, even you,” she said. “I may not have a lot of days left, but I know they will be the best days of my life.”

“You’ve only known love, Ash, and I’m happy for you,” Shiloh said. “Mama and I weren’t so lucky. We had a lot of hard times and there wasn’t much love except what we felt for each other. I’ve known more love in my two years at Asherpark than all the earlier years of my life.”

“But aren’t you angry that your life will end sooner than it should?” I asked.

“Not really,” Shiloh said. “I’d rather have ten days of pure joy than ten years of misery.”

I was still thinking about what Shi said when she shook her toy and pranced around the room.

“Life is good, Ash. Be grateful for what you have and you’ll always be happy. I am.”

Shiloh

Shiloh