BarkingProse

Sometimes I get to thinking too much and it makes my head hurt. When Tess was with me I’d play some bump and run with her and forget about what made me sad. Now I’m sad because Tess isn’t with me anymore.

I’m so grateful I have Journey. She can’t replace Tess but she has such a sunny spirit she always makes me smile. When I look at her I see myself as a pup.

Now I’m raising a pup of my own. I’m Uncle Ash to Journey and she looks at me with the same trust I felt for Codie.

What’s making me sad is thinking about all the mutts that have passed through Asherpark. It feels like one loss after another starting with my beloved Aunt Codie, who helped raise me from a pup and taught me my manners.

We said good-bye to Shiloh two weeks ago. We all knew her end was coming, but that doesn’t make it any easier. We only had Shi for three years, but she’ll stay in our hearts forever.

Shiloh lived a lot longer than anyone expected. She was diagnosed with cancer eighteen months ago. We were told she might only have a few months to live, but that little mutt fooled everybody.

On her last day Shiloh told me she wanted to talk to me. We wandered down by the front gate while Journey was busy chasing flies. Shiloh lay in the cool green grass and sniffed the wind.

Shiloh said she was ready to give up her body and become a spirit dog. She said she wasn’t afraid to die but she worried about leaving the rest of us behind.

“You have a great big bark but you’re really a big softie,” Shiloh said. “You’ve wept for every dog who’s crossed over.”

It’s true. I’ve loved every mutt who has called Asherpark home. I miss them all terribly.

“I know you’re gonna cry when I go, Ash. That’s okay. Your tears show me how much I mattered to you,” Shiloh said.

“I love you, Shiloh!” I blurted out.

“I know, Ash. I love you too,” Shiloh whispered.

Shiloh straightened up her crooked back. She lifted her head high and let the breeze blow through her beautiful creamy fur.

“Courage, Ash. When you think of me I want you to remember my courage. I had everything going against me, but I never gave up. Don’t you give up either,” Shiloh implored.

We walked slowly back to the house. It was all I could do to keep from blubbering.

“I promise, Shiloh. I promise.”

 

I always knew this day would come, I just didn’t know when. Endings come too fast when you’re happy, and I’ve been so very happy at Asherpark.

It’s a beautiful warm sunny day. It’s the kind of day that makes your heart ache for something you can’t quite explain.

I’m leaving this evening. Mama is waiting for me on the other side of the bridge just like she said she would. But first I have a few things to say.

Ash, you’ve been so good to me. You made me laugh. You were gentle when you played with me. I felt happy just being near you. Mama loved you too. Thank you, Ash. I will miss you.

Journey, I’ve grown to love your silly puppy self. You tried your best to be respectful and not annoy me. Did you know that when you were asleep in your crate I would lie down next to you? I liked to watch your lips quiver when you were dreaming.

There are no words big enough to thank the many people who saved my life when I had no hope. The rescue people in California who took me to a foster home and then drove me to Asherpark are special angels. I wouldn’t be here without them.

My human family at Asherpark showed me more kindness and love than I had ever known. They made me forget about the dark times. They taught me how how good love feels.

In some ways today has been a very good day. Once mom realized this was my last day, she never left my side. She’s been sitting next to me all day reminding me how much she loves me. She says my passage from this world will be an easy one. I hope she’s right. I hate needles!

There’s so much more to say, so many people to thank, but time has run out. Blessings on all who have dared to love a throw away dog like me. I will never forget your kindness.