BarkingProse

Tess is not happy. See her giving mom the stink eye? She had a bath today and she thinks she’s being picked on. I tried to tell her that us guys had our baths last week. You’d think a little princess like Tess would want a bath. But she’d rather get dirty digging under fences.

Tess was real good in the tub. She didn’t try to get out. Her fur is super thick so it will take hours to dry. She’s scared of motor sounds. That’s why we can’t help her out with a blow dry.

Jack is the best in the tub. He likes all the attention from mom, so he stands real still to please her. I wiggle a lot and try to back away from the water.

If anybody has reason to be peeved, it’s me. See this silly picture of me? See the stupid white strip in the middle of my head? Mom said I had to wear it because I swiped her labels and tore them up. Obviously I didn’t tear them ALL up since I have one on my head.

It didn’t hurt or nothin.  But I did feel dumb wearing it. Mom took it off when she stopped laughing. So Tess isn’t the only one with something to be mad about.

Now it doesn’t matter so much. We got to play in the rain. The neighbors aren’t home so mom let me bark at their dog longer than usual. Tess is playing up her sad face for all it’s worth. At least she scored some extra treats for us. I’ve almost forgotten why we were mad. Time for fun. See ya.

Next month I’m going to see my brother Zag. I always have a good time with Zag. Here’s our picture when we played the mouth game. It’s a fun game but you have to be a little careful or somebody might get hurt.

I only play the mouth game with Zag and Tess. Nobody else knows how to play. It sounds really scary but it’s not. It makes Jack nervous even though he’s deaf, so we go to the garage to play.

We also play tug. Mom took this really cool picture that makes us look like space aliens with glow in the dark eyes. Neat, huh?

My little brother could live with us except he hates laundry and my mom does a lot of laundry. We’d have to put Zag in the garage when laundry gets folded. We already have to put Tess outside when the vacuum is on. She’s afraid of the mop too.

This is a goofy bark. I’m feeling pretty laid back. Just sort of letting thoughts float through my mind. Not much else to say. Think I’ll go swipe a sock. See ya.

Sit. Stay. Down. Come. Wait. No. Off. Leave it. Whose idea is that? Here I am looking at my ball. It’s my favorite thing in the world, but I’ve been told to “leave it.” Why? Because my mom thinks it’s good practice.

Yeah, she thinks it could come in handy sometime. Once my mom told me to leave it when she dropped a grape on the floor. Grapes are poison to dogs and she didn’t want me to eat it. OK. I get that. But when she drops a nice chunk of meat, by what logic should I not grab it and swallow it whole?

Get this. She tells me to stay and then goes to another room. She whistles and I have to go find her. It’s a mindless game but it makes her happy and I get a treat each time. Seems like I always have to play by her rules. Her language. Her words. Her sense of what’s appropriate and what’s not.

Who’s to say it’s impolite to smell the neighbor’s crotch? Who’s to say I shouldn’t jump on the couch when some guest is sitting there? Why can’t we play ball in the middle of dinner? Why shouldn’t I counter surf? Why can’t I get on that special chair? What’s wrong with bringing my rotten bone in the house? So what if I have poop stuck to my butt feathers? We’re really talking about cultural differences.

But then she yells “Treats!” Jack can’t hear her but Tess and I go running and Jack follows. We sit politely in a circle. I always get mine first but I have to wait for permission to take it. Tess has to whirl around in a circle and Jack extends his paw. She’s so happy that we have manners. Me and Tess don’t have the heart to tell her it’s not about manners. It’s about the treats. Oh well. Gotta run.