Nellie

Losing Ground

by  • 

 

Nellie

I don’t like to admit it, but I am slowly failing. I know it, Mom knows it, but we don’t talk about it.

Remember I barked a few months ago that my cogs aren’t working right? I mean, I think that’s what the vet said. Cognitive dysfunction or something like that.

I get stuck in corners and can’t figure how to back up. I look left and mom turns right and I don’t have a clue where I am or where to go.

A couple nights ago I wandered off in the dark. Mom looked everywhere for me and finally found me staring at the garbage can. I was only twenty feet from the back door but I could have been on the moon. I just couldn’t find my way home.

I can’t say that I am particularly disturbed by my mental decline. It has not affected my appetite or desire for affection. I remain steadfast in my quest to follow mom wherever she goes. As long as I can trot along behind her, I am happy.

As the sharp images of past memories fade, I am left with feelings without detail. For example, I remember a time of hunger and neglect. I was afraid. But I do not recall where I lived or who owned me.

The next period is a blank space. Perhaps I was hit by a car or dumped off by people who considered me worthless. I was picked up by a stranger and taken to the animal shelter, where I was told my life would end.

I was hungry and in pain but I can’t remember where I hurt. I had lost all hope and held no expectation for a better life.

Then kindness claimed me. I was accepted into a new family with others of my kind. Some were young and frisky. One was old and fearful. I was assured I had value and would never be without a home again in this life.

Asher, Tess and Jack. Those names I can remember. Names from my past are long forgotten. I was given a new name, Nellie. It is quite elegant, don’t you think? And I have a nickname! Baby. It’s wonderful to have a nickname, even if it’s a silly name. They call me Baby because I am so much smaller than the other dogs.

How ironic to have two new names and be too deaf to hear them. And now, as my cogs dysfunction, I am lucky to remember that I am Nellie.

Perhaps in time I will lose all sense of self. But I will never forget how love feels. With my last breath I will give thanks that kindness and love came to me, however late in life. I may forget my name and the names of those around me, but I will not forget the sweet silly wonderfulness of being loved.

Forgive me, but I must quickly end this bark. The others are moving towards the sleeping room and I must follow. For once they turn the corner and I lose sight of them, I cannot find my way. I must go now, so that I may be close to those who love me.

 

 

 

 

 

Nellie

Bombs Away

by  • 

Nellie

I am so embarrassed. It is happening more often and I can’t seem to help myself.

Everybody knows I have the walking poops. My back and legs are so stiff that I can’t squat to poop like the other dogs.

When it is time for me to go, my tail rises  and I get a little curve to my butt. Then I stagger around trying not to lose my balance. I have no control once things start to happen.

The problem is worse because I don’t know how to ask to go outside. Everybody tries to guess when I need to go, but how can they know when I don’t know myself?

Sometimes I’m just stepping into the house when I drop a bomb. Other times I head to the door but don’t make it and I leave a trail of bombs behind me. Mom quietly picks up after me. She never scolds me. She just tells me she knows I can’t help it and she is glad I feel better after I go.

At first the other mutts made fun of me. Nobody else goes in the house. Well, Jack marks, but that’s different. Then one day I heard Ash whisper to Tess, “Don’t say nothing, Tess! Nellie can’t help it.”

That’s so like Ash to be kind. When he’s not goofing around, he really has a kind heart.

This morning the very worst thing happened. It was dark. I left one big poop on the patio but number two was on its way. It dropped just inside the kitchen door. Mom didn’t see it and stepped right on it.

I guess humans know when they’ve squashed a poop. Mom said she knew she scored a direct hit. She grabbed some towels and scrubbed. First the floor, then the doormat, then her shoes. The only thing she said was, “Don’t worry Nellie.”

But I do worry. I don’t want to be a bother. I don’t want people not to like me because I have accidents in the house. I feel ashamed and wish I could do better.

Mom must have sensed I was thinking these thoughts. She carefully put her arm around my neck and stroked my head. She knows I don’t like to be held.

“Who cares about the silly poops as long as we have you, Nellie?” mom said. She told me everybody loves me, especially her, and I am the best Christmas present anybody could ever have.

Then it was time for breakfast. Boiled chicken, veggies, and barley that Mom cooked up for us. I forgot all about my poop accident and fell into a dreamy sleep with my full belly making silly little noises.

Sometimes when you try your best, you still have problems. But if people love you anyway, who cares?

 

Codie

Two Blue Dogs

by  • 

 

Codie

It is just as I planned. I fulfilled my promise to my godson, Asher. You may find it confusing, but it all makes perfect sense to me.

Once upon a time I was the chosen dog, the only dog. I was a princess. All manner of love and treats were lavished on me. I had my own upholstered chair. I slept on the bed with my people.

I was taken on so many vacations I can hardly remember them all. Multiple trips to the beach, a long car ride to Canada, mountain cabins. The world was all for me and I knew it.

I wasn’t thrilled when confronted with the puppy Asher, but I grudgingly helped raise him. I became so fond of him I asked for and received the title of godmother.

How quickly the years passed. One moment I was the fastest dog at the park, the next I had to be helped into the car. Wisdom came to me later in life, probably because I was indulged from birth.

When I turned sixteen my health began to decline. The house was filled with sorrow and dread. There was little I could do to allay their fears of life without me. I was touched that my furry soul meant so much to my people, but I also knew my next journey awaited me.

I felt the worst for Ash. He looked at me with those bright blue eyes and begged me to stay. He was too young to understand that we are all just passing through this life.

On my last day I whispered to Ash that I would never leave him. We couldn’t play bump and run anymore but he would only have to remember our good times together and he would feel my presence.

As I was gently lifted into the car for my last ride, Ash tried to jump in with me. “No, Ash.” I said. “This is one ride I have to take by myself.”

His little boy resolve to be brave failed him and tears fell from his bright blue eyes. “Codie,” he said. “We’ve been together my whole life. It’s always been us two blue dogs. How can you leave me? How can I be the only blue dog?”

I had just enough strength left  to chuckle. Us blue dogs, technically blue merle dogs, have always felt we were the best and finest color of our breed. Ash had a glorious coat, far more beautiful than mine.

I could not leave him with the pain of being the single blue dog in our home. “I will send you someone, Ash. I will arrange it once I cross the bridge. I promise.”

It took a while to find the right blue dog for Ash. My skills were rudimentary at first and I sent several practice dogs to Asherpark for care. They were fine additions to the pack but they were not blue.

Finally I found the most used up, filthy, stinky ball of blue fur who was scheduled to die. She didn’t even have a name, but she was a blue merle and she reminded me of myself as an older woman.

I sent her to Asherpark through Old Dog Haven. She was so sick she could hardly walk, but I knew she still had some life in her. A minor surgery and some antibiotics and soon Nellie was feeling much better. The bag of stinking blue fur is now beautiful.

Nellie and Asher often lie together. You can see them in the picture. I don’t think either of them realize why they feel such peace when they are close. I know. I promised and now it is so.

Ash and Nellie