BarkingProse - Part 22

I’m Okay Now

by Mama Eleanora • January 22, 2015

It doesn’t hurt to die. Really it doesn’t. I just felt a little sting when the sedative went in.

My mom had her arms around me for support and I slowly fell asleep on my feet.

Mom helped me lie down on a pile of soft blankets. Shiloh lay down next to me. We were back to back and I could feel her warmth.

I heard everything that was said. Mom told me it had been an honor to care for me and that she would never forget me. She said she would always take care of Shiloh and I would know that was true when Shiloh comes to find me on the other side.

Then it was time for the final shot. I didn’t even feel it when the vet put the needle in my vein.

My heart stopped beating as I lay cradled in the arms of the person who brought me to Asherpark, the person who loved me despite my many flaws, the person I trusted to make the decision to let me go.

I died at home at Asherpark. I died surrounded by people who loved and cared for me. I died with my daughter at my side. I died with dignity. It was an easy passage.

I am in transition now. My spirit is free and I am no longer trapped in the body that endured so much abuse and neglect. I have begun my journey as a celestial dog.

Mama

Before I Go

by Mama Eleanora • January 21, 2015

Mama Eleanora

I should not have waited so long to speak of what is in my heart. But the end has come upon me quickly and I struggle to give voice to feelings that overwhelm me.

To many I am an old scared dog barely worth a second glance. To my family I am precious.

My life has been full of ups and downs. I’ve been a stray and a mother. I’ve been hit and kicked, starved and forgotten. I am younger than I look. The hard life I have lived has taken a toll on me.

For the past two years my daughter, Shiloh, and I have lived at Asherpark. There we have known only kindness. There I received a new name. No longer Marble (too cold and stoic a name), I became Mama Eleanora the Beautiful.

I had a year and a half to run free at Asherpark. I chased the shadows in the pasture and ran from imaginary coyotes. I was the only dog allowed to beg for food when the people were eating. I’ve had more than my share of steak and salmon.

My health took a turn for the worse a few months ago. I lost what little appetite I had and began to have accidents in the house. I was horrified when I soiled in the house, but everyone told me it was okay and not to worry.

Mom knew I did not want painful things done to me to save my life. I am too afraid of strangers and strange places. I asked only that I could end my days at home at Asherpark with my people and my daughter near me.

And so that day has come when I must say goodbye. The vet will come this afternoon to help me on my way. Mom will hold me in her arms and whisper that she loves me as I take my last breath.

I do not grieve for what I will be leaving. My journey through this world is complete. I have touched many souls through my suffering and shown that forgiveness is possible in the midst of terrible cruelty. My life will end much more gently than it began.

I do regret leaving my beloved Shiloh. She will not understand why I am gone, but I know she will be loved and cherished at Asherpark.

To those who saw my worth and did so much to save me, thank you. I am grateful for the kindness of strangers and the love of those who know me.

Now I must prepare for my journey. I go to join the other souls who once called Asherpark home. I will not be far away, held close and dear in the memories of those who knew and loved me.

Jack

I am Gone

by Jack • June 20, 2014

Jack

I crossed the rainbow bridge early this week when my physical body failed me.

My people wept as they wished me godspeed. I was already focused on the road ahead, so I barely noticed the vet who so gently helped me on my way.

I had been in ill health for several months. I had good days, not so good days, and awful days.

There was much hand wringing and hushed conversations about what to do for me. Imagine all that fuss over an old dog like me.

At one point Ash pulled me aside and asked me if I was going to die.

“We’re all going to die Ash,” I said. “It’s just that I am going to die sooner than you.”

“I don’t want you to die, Jack,” Ash said.

His lip quivered as he spoke and I knew he was near tears. Ever since he lost his beloved Codie, Ash has struggled with death.

“Where will you go, Jack?” Ash asked.

“I don’t know exactly,” I said. “This life has been a strange and wonderful journey that brought me to Asherpark. We were meant to be pals, Ash. I will see you someday on the other side.”

As I prepared to leave this world, visions of my life played like a movie in front of my eyes. There were scenes from my puppy days when I was taken from my mother far too soon. Days of hunger when I was gaunt and my eyes were gooey with infection because nobody took care of me.

Then the police came and took me to the dog jail. I spent five months in a kennel at the animal control prison while the woman who owned me debated whether I was worth saving or not.

In January 2010 my life changed forever when Old Dog Haven found me a home at Asherpark. I was overcome with gratitude but helpless to express what I felt. Instead of being a gracious guest, I tried to intimidate Ash and marked constantly for weekss until my scent obliterated every other scent in the house.

One day our mom put me and Ash in the car and drove off with us. I thought for sure I was on my way back to jail because of my bad behavior. As I started to cry Ash licked my big snout and told me everything would be okay.

Ash told me we were going to the grocery store to get doggie ice cream. And so we were.

While I waited nervously in the car, mom ran into the grocery store and came out with boxes of doggie ice cream. We raced home before the ice cream could melt.

Mom pulled the lids off two containers and tossed them to Ash and Tess. They ran off to the backyard to enjoy their treats.

When Mom opened my ice cream and held it by my nose, I grabbed it and tried to swallow it whole. She laughed and patiently showed me how to lick the ice cream without eating the paper.

That first ice cream was the best thing I ever tasted in my whole life. Later I learned how to eat the ice cream by myself.

Jack and Ice Cream

As I lay dying my heart was filled with gratitude. Out of thousands of old discarded dogs, I was a lucky one given a second chance when Old Dog Haven agreed to find a home for me.

When you remember me, remember how happy I was at Asherpark. If you want to honor my life, please consider making a small donation to Old Dog Haven in my name so another scared old dog can have a second chance.