BarkingProse

As my first day of freedom comes to a close, I begin to wonder if I made the right decision about leaving home. Where would I find dinner? Where would I sleep? I can still taste the sweet donut I’d eaten several hours ago. A drink of cold water would be nice to wash the last sticky crumbs down my throat.

I keep walking down the sidewalk. I’m in a tired old neighborhood on the outskirts of Tacoma. Some of the houses look worse than where I had lived the past ten years. Broken toys, McDonald’s wrappers and beer cans are scattered like lawn ornaments. Of course I check the wrappers for leftovers, but no luck.

Then I hear a faint noise behind me. I turn and see a woman coming out of her house. She has a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I can smell the cigarette ten feet away. As I begin to move away from her she spots me.

“Hey little doggie,” she says in a surprisingly soft voice. “Whatcha doin’ out here all by yourself?”

As I turn to face her she sees the big ball on my hip.

“My god. You poor little thing. What the hell is that piece of crap hanging on you?”

Good question, I thought to myself. I know it’s not a piece of crap.

“Come here, you little stinker. Let me get a look at you,” she says not unkindly.

I stand facing her for several seconds, not sure whether to approach her or run away. As I watch she puts out her cigarette and sets her beer on a rickety table. Then she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a half-eaten piece of beef jerky.

“Come here sweetie. You gotta be hungry. Looks like you don’t belong to nobody and if you do, you deserve a hell of a lot better,” she says quietly.

Her words cut like a knife through my heart. Do I really deserve better? Do I dare hope that someone would see me and want me? Is there a safe place for me in this world?

The woman waits as I stand frozen with indecision.

“It’s okay, honey. You take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Fear and hunger are going at it in my brain. I can almost taste the beef jerky. But what if it’s a trap? What if she grabs me? And if I do nothing, then what? Does she walk away leaving me alone and hungry?

The woman sits down on her front steps and puts her hand out. She looks away from me. How does she know this makes a dog feel safer? She starts talking to me.

“You’re a good doggie. It’s all good. Nobody’s gonna hurt you. You’ll be okay. You and me, we’re just a couple of old throw aways. Come on sweetie, take the jerky.”

I carefully walk towards the stairs and take the jerky. It’s salty and sweet and tastes like heaven.

The woman quietly turns towards me. A tear meanders down her cheek. Why is she crying?

Suddenly it hits me how tired and scared I am. Running away from where I used to live started out as a grand adventure. Now I realize what I’ve done and there’s no going back.

Once I squeezed through the gap in the fence there was no going back. But why would I want to go back? Back to what?

Back to a filthy yard full of dog shit? Back to a drunken owner who threw cheap kibble on the ground and called it dinner?

Back to days of longing for someone, anyone, who would see me and know I was worth loving.

My first steps into freedom are thrilling. I can go anywhere. I can dream. Maybe I can even find something good to eat.

A toddler approaches me with a donut in her hand. Like so many little kids she points at me and squeals “Doggie!”

She totters towards me donut extended. I reach to take the donut from her hand when her mother screams, “Ellla! Don’t touch that filthy thing!”

Filthy thing? Was she talking about me? The mother grabs the child, tosses the donut at me and hurries off.

With one large gulp the donut is mine. As the gooey frosting lingers on my face, I carefully lick my lips savoring every last taste. Time to move on.

As I wander down the sidewalk, I notice people step aside to let me pass. That’s odd. Then I hear one say, “That old ball of rags sure stinks.”

Are they talking about me? It’s true I don’t remember the last time I had a bath. Haven’t been brushed or had my nails trimmed either. And then there’s that big ball thing attached to my flank. Cancer? Rat’s nest? A wound with maggots?

But I’m still me. Can’t anybody see that? I may be dirty and stinky but I’m an Aussie! I have one blue eye and one brown eye. Once I was beautiful. Once I was loved. Does that count for anything?

Well at least I’m free. I’m on my own looking for something I can’t quite put into words. Chasing a feeling I remember when life was better, when I had an owner who wanted me. Looking for love – but where? I guess time will tell.